Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Candles

Candles (Photo credit: magnuscanis)

His mercies are new every morning, Great is his faithfulness!

When my soul is wrestling with an issue, I wish that verse said my soul is new every morning, like this morning! You know the magic wand that wipes away the past with a wave. I just don’t like sitting in places that are uncomfortable, hurtful or disappointing.

One of my most comforting memories of childhood was sitting on my dad’s lap.  It felt reassuring and I felt loved.  So quite often when I pray I visualize myself, still the child that crawls into the lap of Jesus.  That picture puts me in just the right place to really talk to Jesus and for me to really listen, as I am close enough to hear His still small voice.

But when I wrestle with God through the pain I often don’t want to be on his lap.  Maybe it reminds me of being called to the principal’s office.  The feelings of rejection are strong and I fear being called on the carpet for my own sin rather than be comforted in my pain.  Because we all know that it takes two to tango!

So today, grudgingly, I drag my feet as I approach the throne.  And as a loving daddy would do, he pulls me to his lap.  I sit stiff, waiting for the reproof.  But I hear… nothing, for a while.  And I realize he is OK with just BEING with me!  Sin, pain and all – he just wants to BE with me.   As I relax, then I hear him say “It’s OK”

In my snarky defensiveness I recoil with “It’s OK that I got hurt?”

Maybe the knowing smile of a parent creeps to his face as he says “It’s OK to wrestle, to be in this state.  It’s OK to be the real you right now with the real me!”

And I begin to melt, feeling safe enough to wrestle with love, to wrestle with truth, to wrestle with the sin that so easily besets me.  And to tell him what went wrong.

And it is then I can say:

His mercies are new every morning, Great is His faithfulness!  He has loved me with an everlasting love!

  • Worry (writekimwrite.wordpress.com)
Advertisements